Once again, I have let this blog lapse. Life has been so busy, but more importantly so little was happening with the adoption, that there just wasn't much to share expect for heartache, frustration, and disappointment. I will however create a post with a timeline of event that have occurred over the past 32 months.
But, today brings GREAT news!! We have finally received our USCIS approval for our little guy to come home! Hubby and I will be flying out to Jamaica this coming Saturday!! We should receive KG's visa next Friday and return home next Saturday, Aug. 31 with our son. I can't believe that we are finally at the end of the first leg of this journey. It is so surreal.
Quite honestly, after waiting and waiting and waiting, my first thought when we got the news was "Oh, No. WAIT! Am I really ready for this???" I'm excited, scared, nervous, ecstatic, anxious. overjoyed - just one big ball of emotion. Everything changes from here forward. The life we've known is no more, on so many levels.
We marching head on into uncharted territory. We have no road map, no plan, no guideline, no template, but what we do have is so much more. We have the One who has been with us all along, the One who knows the end from the beginning, the One who knew we would be right here, right now. That is my comfort. That is what I am holding on to. It is that knowledge that is going to allow me to get on that plan in less than 48 hours and bring a 12 year old from another country into my home and be his first and forever mommy.
Well today is June 1st. It makes 17 months that we have been on our adoption journey. I never imagined that the summer of 2012 would come without our son at home with us. I know in Jamaica they would say that "ev'ry ting is irie" but it's really not!! I miss my little guy so much. Someone who visited JA in April sent me some pictures of Keddar from their trip. It's amazing how much he has grown since I was there in December. It's starting to lose his "baby face."
A couple of weeks ago, I spoke with our assigned adoption worker in JA. She had FINALLY done her "adoption readiness" interview with Keddar. She had anticipated completing it in early April, but I guess late May is that "same ting". Anyway she commented about how impressed she was with Keddar. She said he is an amazing young man (of course he is!!). He told her that she needed to hurry up and finish the process so that he could be home in time to start school in the fall. A boy after my own heart - prioritizing education! The good news is that she was so smitten by Keddar that she said that she is going to work diligently to finish us up by July!! WHOOOO HOOOO!!
So we've applied for the girls' passports and are standing in faith that July is the magical month. We are asking for all of our friends and family to also stand in agreement with us for a homecoming next month. It's so difficult to be so close and have no means of speeding up (i.e. controlling) the process. For those who know me, you know that this unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory for me. But I guess that's why I've called this a journey. It's not only a journey towards adoption, but also a journey in faith and trust and patience!!
Tonight is hubby's album release party where we will raise funds for the adoption. I'm looking forward to sharing our story with the folks that come. Maybe beyond being inspired to give, someone will be inspired to adopt!!
A few days ago, I found some writing that I had done when I went to Jamaica in December to turn in our completed Home Study and to share with Keddar that we were adopting him. Here's part 3
December 7, 2011 -
I'm weepy all through breakfast - can't stop that rebellious left eye from leaking. It's blowing my cover!! How am I going to make it to tonight???
Ha! I didn't need to worry about that. The kindergarten class was exceptionally challenging today, leaving me not a moment to think about anything else. It was the toughest 3 hours I've had in a long time. But I must admin, also the most fulfilling. Being able to use my gifts in serve to these children is a tremendous blessing to me.
After lunch, Portia (one of my co-travelers) and I head down to the construction site to help out the guys. Or at least that's the story we're telling each other! I think she's going to see a special employee and I'm really going to wait until Keddar get out of school. :0)
No sooner that I see Keddar's teacher leaving for the day, do I hear a pair of size 2 feet running across the walkway. He rounds the corner and stands transfixed - just staring at me with that captivating smile of his. I hold him hostage a few more moments while I take in his too big shoes, ashy legs & knees, "hammy down" shorts and mix-match sleeveless shirt revealing undersized limbs, and those pleading eyes - before I tell him to come over and give me a great big hug!!
Tonight after service, we had planned to Skype Fil so Keddar could say "hello". Little did he know the real purpose of the call was for Fil and I to ask him if he would allow us to adopt him. We'll share the video when the time is right, but I'll just say "He say YES!!" It was one of the most powerful moments in my life. I can't begin to explain what those few moments were like. It's a feeling like no other. In the midst of our celebration, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was created to be this little boy's momma. Everything in my life has been preparing me to to have the unbelievable privilege of caring for and raising this precious child of God.
A few days ago, I found some writing that I had done when I went to Jamaica in December to turn in our completed Home Study and to share with Keddar that we were adopting him. Here's part 2
December 4, 2011 -
I love Sunday mornings on the mountain. I think the higher the elevation makes me feel closer to God - or maybe it's just being surrounded by so much natural beauty - whatever it is, it's definitely God's country up here! As the children file into the Multi-Purpose room, I can barely contain my excitement. Is it wrong to be more excited about seeing Keddar than service? If so, all I can do is ask for forgiveness because that 's the honest truth.
The stage has somehow been set prior to service & everyone knows their part. I'm tickled to see all the older boys saving a spot next to me because that's "Keddar's seat." The message travels quickly to the girls and younger boys, as well. No one argues, they just move accordingly. Finally Keddar is in his rightful place next to me & the children are ready for service. Midway through, I notice an added weight on my arm & look down to see that Keddar has traded in his bible to share mine. How sweet is that??
A few days ago, I found some writing that I had done when I went to Jamaica in December to turn in our completed Home Study and to share with Keddar that we were adopting him. Here's part 1
December 3, 2011 -
As the captain announces our decent into Jamaica, I feel by body begin to tense. I'm unclear as to what to attribute this to. I should be ecstatic, happy, joyful, but instead I'm anxious about the moments ahead. I feel like so much is riding on this trip . . . I try to calm myself by remembering all the God has done to bring me to this moment. There is comfort in that - knowing that God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me & He has ordained this time.
It's funny that the interior of the Jamaican airport has begun to feel familiar. I guess 3 trips in one year will do that! I gather my luggage & step out into the Jamaican humidity. Even this is now familiar and no longer feels oppressive. The enveloping muggy air enwraps me like a hug from a welcoming friend. I take a deep breath, and look up into the mountains - both anxious and excited to get up the hill so that I can see my son.
With that thought, I realize that I have no idea who's picking us up from the airport. I begin to scan the crowd looking for a pale face (no offense Steve Jr!) in the middle of all the beautiful brown tones. . . . And then I see a familiar little face. My heart skips a beat and then does a little dance in my chest! It's the best "Welcome to Jamaica" greeting ever! Keddar is at the airport! I think in that moment that my smile is as big as his. We just stand there for a full minute grinning at each other before I give him a great big momma bear hug.
Even though we know that God is an amazingly great God, there are times when there is no denying not only His love for us, but His concern about every little detail of our life. Seeing Keddar at the airport was like having God say to me "daughter, I know your spoken & your unspoken desires and I delight in granting them. You have nothing to be concerned about. I have ordained this and it shall be. Just sit back and enjoy the journey."
Speaking of . . . on the way up the mountain, Keddar lays his head on my shoulder and goes to sleep like it's the most natural thing in the world. And I believe, it is.
The past few months of waiting have been so difficult! We have been calling and calling & emailing and doing more emailing to the Jamaica CDA since January with no results. Our phone calls have not been taken, our emails have not been returned - there has been no communication at all. It's so hard to be thousands of miles away just wondering if anything is happening on our behalf. In the meantime, we have taken our federal fingerprints, received our clearance, and had our paperwork sent to the Embassy in Jamaica and still SILENCE from the CDA.
I have cried to God, tantrumed, ranted & raved, been mad, felt hopeless, and downright orphaned by God myself because the CDA hasn't done anything. It's been 3 months, THREE MONTHS, since I took our paperwork to Jamaica. They told us we would get our case number within 30 days and it's THREE MONTHS later.
Two weeks ago, we SKYPE'd Keddar for his birthday. After all the exuberant birthday wishes and with the most serious and sincere look on his face, Keddar asked us when we were coming to get him. How it broke my heart to have to tell him that we didn't know!! It's like being pregnant and preparing for the birth of your child, with no specific due date. What keeps most of us moms-to-be going through those difficult & uncomfortable months of pregnancy is that fact that we know that by a certain date, we WILL have our new bundle of joy. But with no end in sight, the waiting process just becomes agonizing!!
Last Sunday, I woke up in a funk (again), missing my son (again), angry that no word had come from Jamaica (again) and questioning God (again). I stood in the choir loft, going through the motions, but not really "feeling it." I just couldn't get past wondering "what about me God?"
Midway through our choir set, Pastor stopped us and called forward those who needed prayer. Before he prayed, he talked about a very personal and sensitive situation that his own family is in the midst of battling. He then shared about another church member (who's son happens to work with me) who's wife is on her deathbed. As I watched nearly one hundred people come to the alter for prayer, I felt so convicted. There were a number of people that I had "meant to be" praying for, but because I had gotten so caught up in my own situation, I never prayed for them. In that moment, I clearly felt God tell me to stop praying for (& whining about) myself and to start interceding for other people. Tears blurred my eyes as my heart softened towards those whose needs & hurts are so much greater than mine. I promised God that I would focus more on lifting up others and less on complaining about my own situation.
So on Monday, I set up a "prayer wall" in my bedroom. I listed out those who I had promised to pray for but never did. I asked the girls to help me list people/friends that they knew needed prayer. Family members who I have had strained relationships with also went on the wall. Each day this week, I have gotten up and prayed over the wall. Each night before I have gone to bed, I have again lifted up those names. And in terms of the adoption, I have simply thanked God for what He is working out.
Today, Friday, we finally got the email from CDA that we have been waiting for!! We were given our case number and worker and told that our case is moving to the next stage. WOW!! It is such great news. It's also so amazing to see how God works. When I submitted myself to His will and stopped focusing on myself (& trying to "control" God and the situation), God took care of it - all by himself, without any help from me! LOL!
This is a huge lesson for me. God promised us over a year ago that this adoption was going to happen. But I allowed myself to be moved by the circumstances and not God's word. As long as I was in that mode of doubting God & feeling sorry for myself, nothing happened. When I laid MY burden at God's feet and picked up HIS yoke (His will for me), the heavens opened and God intervened.
Praise God!! His Word is true and I'm so thankful that His mercies are new every morning! He is so patient and loving towards me. He extends such grace towards me.
A couple of days ago we were informed that the results of an EGK for our son showed that he has a hole in his heart and he has also been diagnosed with asthma. He has a follow up appointment in 2 weeks to determine the next course of action - possibly surgery.
Ever since I got the news I feel as though I have a hole in my heart. My heart just grieves for him. I feel as though the hole in my heart is only going to be whole when I'm able to hold him in my arms. It's strange that this child that I have only met twice has managed to carve out such a big place in my heart and in my thoughts. If he has to have surgery, I want to be the "mommy" that is waiting for him when he wakes up from surgery. I want to be the "mommy" that cares for him and nurses him back to recovery. I almost feel jealous of his "family" in Jamaica that gets to be with him every day - watching him grow up and experience life.
Our 2nd home study visit was today - mine and Fil's interviews. I'm so thankful that we have taken one more step on this journey. I'm praying that the finances will be provided and the process expedited so that our son is home for the holidays.
Today we were able to confirm our next Home Study interview session. We are meeting with a new social worker (our original one is on maternity leave) next Wednesday at 4:30! Even though we are meeting at our home, it's not the "official" home visit. She was kind enough to agree to meet us here since Fil just had knee surgery yesterday. I don't think he would have been able to manage a drive to Modesto with his leg in the brace. I know there are no "perfect parents" but it's still a little nerve-racking to think that we are being interviewed to determine if we can be Keddar's parents. If we don't pass, then I guess we should feel sorry for the two girls we already have! 'Cause they're stuck with us! LOL!
Today we heard from the CDA social worker. After advertising for family in all of the Parishes, there has been no inquiries about Keddar! She said that as soon as we submit our home study, they will write a report to release Keddar for adoption. WHOOO HOOO!! We were waiting on this news to determine our next steps. Now fundraising and home study completion go into full swing. We are scheduled for our next home study appointment on August 3rd. God is so good!!!
WOW! I can't believe how much time and how much activity has passed since I last blogged. we are officially adopting!!
A quick update - We started working with Bethany Christian Adoption Agency to complete our adoption home study. In April, Fil and I traveled to Jamaica to submit our Jamaican paperwork to the Child Development Agency and to spend time with our little guy. This was Fil's first trip to Jamaica and his first time meeting Keddar. We couldn't tell Keddar about our plans to adopt him, but we had a great week spending time with him and getting to know him better.
We had a blessed meeting at the CDA, the social worker was so helpful and supportive of our plans to adopt. She gave us a lot of tips to help make the process smoother for us. Part of the Jamaican process involves advertising for relatives in the local paper before releasing a child for adoption. The "ads" began to run while we were there, so we are prayerful that this will not hinder our progress.
Since our return, we have had Fil's mom living with us, foot injuries, crazy work schedules, a high school graduation, 6th grade promotion and a move!! All of this has kept us a little busy - which is why the lapse of blogs. I look forward to keeping this more updated.
