A hole in my heart

A couple of days ago we were informed that the results of an EGK for our son showed that he has a hole in his heart and he has also been diagnosed with asthma.  He has a follow up appointment in 2 weeks to determine the next course of action - possibly surgery.

Ever since I got the news I feel as though I have a hole in my heart. My heart just grieves for him. I feel as though the hole in my heart is only going to be whole when I'm able to hold him in my arms. It's strange that this child that I have only met twice has managed to carve out such a big place in my heart and in my thoughts. If he has to have surgery, I want to be the "mommy" that is waiting for him when he wakes up from surgery. I want to be the "mommy" that cares for him and nurses him back to recovery. I almost feel jealous of his "family" in Jamaica that gets to be with him every day - watching him grow up and experience life.

Our 2nd home study visit was today - mine and Fil's interviews. I'm so thankful that we have taken one more step on this journey. I'm praying that the finances will be provided and the process expedited so that our son is home for the holidays.

Out of the mouth of babes

I asked my girls to share their thoughts about the adoption so that we could add them to the blog. They kept asking me what I wanted them to write about. I told them they could share whatever they wanted. Both of my girls are "get the right answer" type of gals and had a hard time at first just letting their thoughts flow without a prompt or specific direction (is this what public school's focus on testing has done to kids?? hmm . . .  but that's another blog!) Here's what they decided to share . . . turns out they had some profound things to say:

Lady Bug (our 18 yr old):

Adoption has been something that I have been striving for since the third grade. It was something I wanted more then anything in this world. Not for someone else but for me. I wanted to be adopted by my step dad into a family that was already mine but I wanted some assurance of permanence. Then 10 years later I hear that our family is going to finally adopt but not me that’s getting adopted. It’s a little boy from the tiny island of Jamaica. I was expecting to be upset. I mean I had wanted to be adopted longer then this child had been alive. I wasn’t though- I was excited. I knew that our family would be perfect for him and that we were ready to bring someone new into our home. My sister and I started making plans right away. Where he would sleep, which of us was going to be his best friend, who was going to show him around, which of us got to introduce him to our friends first, and everything else that we could think of. When we moved into a new home we planned out his side of the sink and which bedroom he would want. We make decisions like he is already a part of our lives and it is only going to get better. It’s not necessarily the adoption I always thought our family would go through but I am happy that this is the one that is happening.  

Jelly Bean (our 11 yr old):

I have always wanted a little brother. I think I have just always wanted to be older and to grow up with someone. I now have the opportunity to do that. Although my brother is already 10 we both are only halfway to adulthood so we still have a lot to learn. I’m mostly excited because I’ll have someone close to my age in my house that knows what life is like at this age.

         When my parents first said that we were adopting I didn’t believe them. But when they started the paperwork I knew they weren’t kidding. When I saw my brother’s picture after that I wanted to cry. I was just so happy that he was about to have a family that he could be with everyday. After we were certain we were adopting him I was happy to know that we would be changing his life for the best.  When my sister and I first talked to him over Skype I couldn’t stop smiling. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how one day he would be my brother. Mine. All mine. He is very sweet and VERY funny. He loves to joke around and he has a beautiful smile.

I want my brother and me to be best friends rather than just siblings.

Home Study Interviews Scheduled

Today we were able to confirm our next Home Study interview session. We are meeting with a new social worker (our original one is on maternity leave) next Wednesday at 4:30!  Even though we are meeting at our home, it's not the "official" home visit. She was kind enough to agree to meet us here since Fil just had knee surgery yesterday. I don't think he would have been able to manage a drive to Modesto with his leg in the brace. I know there are no "perfect parents" but it's still a little nerve-racking to think that we are being interviewed to determine if we can be Keddar's parents. If we don't pass, then I guess we should feel sorry for the two girls we already have! 'Cause they're stuck with us! LOL!

I Stay Amazed

I know that I shouldn't be amazed at how God brings things together, but I am!! Yesterday Fil and I were sharing with a coworker/friend and her husband about our adoption when they stopped by to look at a freezer we were giving them. In jest, I told them that in exchange for the freezer they had to contribute to our adoption fundraiser. We chatted a bit about the adoption and fundraising and they left. Early today, my friend texted me a bunch of questions about Keddar and our story. It got me curious about what she was up to because she was asking such specific questions. She told me that she was working on a fundraising effort for us. Later in the morning, she admitted that she had contacted our school district to get permission for her to do the Piece of the Puzzle fundraiser at our school site. She was working on a flyer to send to the district for approval. I couldn't believe this. When I mentioned the fundraiser to her yesterday, I never expected for her to spearhead an effort for us. I am so humbled and thankful for her and her husband's support.  Inside, I have really been a little nervous about the fundraising. I have a hard time asking people for money and I wasn't sure if we could really sell 500 pieces (I know . . . oh me of little faith). They flyer is gorgeous (in fact, Fil and I based ours off of the one she made) and so PERFECT!! I don't know what caused her to be so moved by our situation, but I am so blessed. As I said, I am just amazed at how God is at work, even when we doubt.

Back for the very first time

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Filmore Graham, and I have a wife and two daughters.

After my wife came back from Jamaica the first time, I knew our lives were about to change. We began talking in ernest about the idea of adopting a boy. I was so full emotionally I could hardly contain myself. My mother and all my brothers and sisters were born in Jamaica. I was born and raised in New York City, in an area that was heavily populated with Jamaican immigrants. After we left NYC and moved to Miami, FL, we were again in the middle of a community surrounded by Jamaican culture. I have always considered myself Jamaican, even though I had never been there. I spoke with a Jamaican accent, I ate Jamaican food, I listened to jamaican music and I hung out with Jamaican people.

How funny is God that when I decide to adopt a child, he would be Jamaican. In  April 2011 My wife and I traveled to Jamaica to meet Keddar. As we arrived I felt like a ten year old, the night before Christmas. Here I was in my adopted homeland.  I was "back for the very first time". We stayed on the property where keddar's orphanage was located.

I remember walking down to his residence hall to meet him. I wasn't allowed to divulge my intention to adopt him so I had to control myself. He smiled at me and gave me a hug. It felt natural and right. He was mine and I was going to do whatever I had to do to bring him home!

Allow me to re-introduce myself, My name is Filmore Graham, and I have a wife, 2 daughters and a son!

Piece of the Puzzle

 We decided to do a "Piece of the Puzzle" fundraiser. I found a great caribbean puzzle on Amazon and it arrived today. The girls were so excited!!

 Essentially we "sell" each of the 500 pieces for $10 and write the donors name on the back. As pieces are sold, we put the puzzle together. When the entire puzzle has been completed, we will have raised $5000. The completed puzzle will be mounted in glass so that we, and Keddar, can always remember the people who were "a piece of the puzzle" that brought him home.  Jelly Bean wanted to be the first donor so she told me she wanted to forgo her allowance this week so she could buy a puzzle piece.  I nearly cried. Our girls are so sweet and they so want to help bring their brother home.

CDA Update

Today we heard from the CDA social worker. After advertising for family in all of the Parishes, there has been no inquiries about Keddar! She said that as soon as we submit our home study, they will write a report to release Keddar for adoption. WHOOO HOOO!! We were waiting on this news to determine our next steps. Now fundraising and home study completion go into full swing.  We are scheduled for our next home study appointment on August 3rd.  God is so good!!!