For the last couple of weeks, and especially over this weekend, I have let myself be really bothered by the mean-spiritedness of another person regarding our adoption & our need to fundraise. I think the thing that has bothered me the most is the fact that this person has completely mis-represented my intentions in this particular situation. In all areas of my life, I truly work to operate with integrity and with pure intentions. And while I make plenty of mistakes in life & don't always do things properly, I know that those closest to me do know the condition of my heart. And even as I write this, I realize how silly it is for me to let the actions of someone who doesn't know me, or my heart, to affect me so deeply. There's the old saying "those who matter, don't mind; and those who mind, don't matter." However, as much as I know that to be true, I can only assume that my heart is troubled because the adoption is a heart issue for me and my family.
Since we began our adoption process 10 months ago, I have sought out adoption blogs, website and groups in order to better educate and prepare myself for this new journey that we are on. I have heard many family's talk about the "cost" of adoption that have nothing to do with money. Just a few days ago, someone sent me the link to a post on just the same topic. While there are definite financial costs to the process, there are other costs that only adopting families really understand. One of those being the cost of enduring hurtful opinions and comments from people - strangers and loved ones alike.
Just a few hours ago, my youngest daughter, Jelly Bean, and I were working on adding another 62 pieces to our adoption puzzle that came in this week (WHOO HOO!). As we sat there working together, I was reminded of just how many benefits there are to being on this journey - precious and amazing experiences that far outweigh whatever challenges may occur. Seeing my daughter's face light up as she talks about her excitement at having her brother home soon. Listening to both of my daughters talking about all the things they are looking forward to when "their brother" comes home. Planning for our first Christmas together as a family of five. Developing connections and relationships with other people who have a passion for helping orphans. Watching God move in ways that we've never seen before. Becoming more connected with my husband and we go through the home study process. Hearing my daughters' level of appreciation for the gifts of support from other families and seeing it translate into a desire to "pay it forward."
When I think on all of this, I know that the costs are SO WORTH IT!! Whatever hurt my heart must endure through this process, I know that the reward of being able to replace that hurt with the love of another child in our home and our hearts is a small price to pay.