Catching Up . . .

I can't believe that it's been 2 months since I last updated our blog . . . so much has happened!! I'm not even sure where to start, but from the beginning makes the most sense, I guess!

Let's see - we finished up our home study interviews & house visit and received the final "approved to adopt" home study in late November. Right in time for me to travel back to Jamaica with our church team during the first week of December.

Just a couple of weeks prior to traveling to Jamaica, I called the Jamaica CDA worker that we had been working with to let her know that I was coming to bring my home study report and final documents. I was promptly informed that she had retired and no one knew where our file was!! Oh boy, that was not a fun (or "in faith") moment for me. In fact to be completely transparent, it led to a major panic attack!

Just days before leaving for Jamaica, I was able to get in touch with a CDA worker who found our file. She stated that we were missing several documents from our file and that I would need to bring them with me. These were documents that we had already submitted and for which I only had copies and couldn't get originals before I needed to travel.  I asked, begged her to please double check and get back to me. Right in line with how things were going with the CDA, I didn't hear back from her. And when I called two days before I left for Jamaica, I was told that she was out for the rest of the week and no one else could access my file. ARRGGHH!!

Fil wasn't able to go to Jamaica, so I went with 3 other people as part of our church's missions team.  We were a small, but mighty group. After a long flight to the island, I was met at the airport by the biggest smile on all the island! Our son-to-be had ridden down the mountain to meet me at the airport. What a wonderful "welcome back"!! It was so hard to "play it cool" and not just wrap him up in a big momma bear hug.  Oh, I couldn't wait to tell him the good news!!

Fast forward to my trip to CDA - all the paperwork that I was told was missing, was actually there! Our home study was the only document left to submit and that was turned in during my visit. WHOO!! HOOO!! We are all done with everything that is within our control to do on the Jamaica side of the adoption

This is what was waiting for me atop the mountain when we returned from CDA. I think it was God's way of reminding me that He is faithful to fulfill His promises:

Mid-week, my son-to-be and I SKYPE'd Fil to chat with him. But really it was all a plan for Fil and I to tell, ask him if he would allow us to be his parents. What a precious moment that was. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my heart when he said yes!! Fil then asked him what he wanted us to call him. After a long, excrutiating 6 minutes (well maybe it was only like 36 seconds), he told us he wanted us to call him son!! In that instant it was like all the space and time that had separated us since his birth melted away and he was mine, ALL MINE! Despite what the courts, public records, or any legal document might say. He was my son, fully in my heart.

The sunset the night we became a family of 5 in my heart:

The morning after we asked Keddar to join our family. He told all the boys in his home that he was being adopted and that I was his new mommy! He then went to school and told his teacher that he had a new name: Kedar Graham. Check out the name on his spelling test!

The hardest thing was leaving my son on that last day. It felt so guilty - like I was abandoning him. It was one of the most difficult "good byes" of my life. He kept asking me when I would be back and when he could come home. It was so hard to only be able to say "I don't know. As soon as I can."  The CDA says it could be anywhere from 3 - 6 months!! Actually they said it would be a "couple of months", but when I asked if that meant February, I was told "NO! Not the American kind of 'couple'. It could be 3 - 6 months."

When I got back from Jamaica, we sent off our paperwork to US Immigration (Homeland Security) so that we can get our federal fingerprint clearance.

So, now we must wait and pray. We have done all that we can do to get him home to us. The rest is up to God and His perfect will and timing.  In the meantime we are preparing our hearts and our home.  We are also raising the last monies needed so we can finalize the adoption here in the states.

Thank you for your continued prayers and  . . . if you haven't already donated to our Piece of the Puzzle fundraiser, please prayerfully consider doing so!

God bless

Orphan Sunday

Today is Orphan Sunday. It's a day to share, pray and advocate on behalf of orphans around the world. This morning at church I had the awesome privilege of sharing in our Children's Ministry about my trip to City of Refuge Orphanage and how God used that trip to open my eyes and heart to adoption.

This was the first time that I've shared our adoption story with a group of children (kinder through 5th grade). I was very curious about how they would respond and if they would fully grasp the life-changing power of adoption. As I was telling the children about my time in Jamaica, I was so impressed with how engaged they were with the story and the pictures which highlighted our team's work on the property and in the school. I could tell that they were really processing the difference between how we live here compared to the conditions in Jamaica. I could see some of their little hearts grieving for children who did not have mommies and daddies to love and care for them. And when I shared with them how God spoke to me about becoming a mommy to one of the children, their faces lit up like little rays of sunshine! Even at their young age, they understood that adoption is something special.

As I talked to the group of children sitting there, it suddenly struck me that my little boy would be sitting there in the midst of them in just a few short months! As I said this aloud to the group, my heart began to swell. Even though our family been talking about his arrival for months and all the new experiences that he will have, there was something about picturing him at our church, sitting in KidsZone that made my knees weak.  It was suddenly so very REAL!!

God is so amazing and living for Him just keeps getting better and better!!  In this month of thanksgiving and on this Orphan Sunday, I am so thankful that I am no longer an "orphan" for I have received the Spirit of adoption whereby I cry "Abba, Father" (Rom. 8:15), because God predestined me to be His own adopted child by Jesus Christ (Ephes 1:5).  And as believers, who have been adopted into the family of God and who are no longer spiritually "orphaned", we have a responsibility to rescue and care for those children who have been physically orphaned in this world. And while God may not have called all of us to "adopt", He has called all of us to care for those who are orphaned, be it through giving, praying, supporting &/or advocating on their behalf. During this month where we bring awareness to Adoption and Orphan issues, please consider how you may be a part of the change.

Orphan Sunday 2011 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

God's plans are always BIGGER - How GREAT He is

It was November of last year when I headed to Jamaica for my first mission trip. I had no idea that November was National Adoption Month, nor did I have any idea that this November we would be close to finalizing our adoption of a little boy that I met on that trip. But God knew! I am continually amazed at how God works and how He orchestrates everything to His glory and for His purpose.

When I went to Jamaica last year, I planned to spend the week helping in the school and working on a building project. I felt like that was enough fulfill God's call for us to "care for orphans." I wasn't planning on any longterm commitments or really doing anything that was too far out of my comfort zone, if I'm completely honest about the whole thing. My husband's family is Jamaican and I'm very comfortable with the people, language and culture, so even going to this particular foreign country, wasn't going to be that foreign to me. I work in education, so spending time in the orphanage school wasn't going to be particularly difficult work. Nonetheless, I thought that what I was doing was a BIG deal, that I was really stepping out for God. Oh silly me!! Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not criticizing or minimizing the importance of mission trips or the impact that they have on the lives of those involved. I'm not saying that it's not a big deal to take a mission trip and serve those who are less fortunate. I'm just saying that the trip was just a small step on the bigger journey that God had for me.

Isn't it amazing how small (& often selfish) our thinking can be? We say that we are God's servants, and we know that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts, yet we rely on our own "thinking" to guide us. God has GREAT plans for us, but we can miss living the amazing life that He desires for us because we have limited ourselves to what we believe we are capable of doing and what we are comfortable doing. But God has not called us to be "comfortable" and He has already said that apart from Him, we are incapable. God has called us to faithfully trust in Him so that we may be world changers and do even greater things than our Lord Jesus Christ did!! He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask, think or imagine!! What a life He has in store for us!

I did not know last November where the following 12 months would take me. I certainly had not expected the year that I have had. But I'm glad that I have been willing to let God lead, even when it has been uncomfortable. Because the place where I am now, is so much better than where I was a year ago. And while I did not know that last November's mission trip was really the beginning of an adoption journey, I'm so glad that it is the BIGGER plan that God had for me.

12 on 12th

Today is a big day in the Graham household. . . little Jellybean turns 12 today. She's been announcing for  eons (or at least since her older sister's birthday on May 12th) that she's going to be "12 on the 12th."  Back in May, October seemed so far away and yet in the blink of an eye, here we find ourselves. Every year on Jelly's birthday, my husband and I will inevitably spend time remembering the day of her birth and what that whole experience was like for us. It's never planned and it's never been deemed a formal "tradition", but as we wind down each evening on October 12th, we find ourselves remembering the day that Jelly joined our family.

And as I sit here waiting for my hubby to get home so we can go out for our "traditional" birthday dinner, I can't help but wonder what the day will be like when our son joins our family. I wonder if that special day will be an annual day of celebration for us as well. I wonder if hubby and I will spend that evening each year talking about the day that our son came home. I wonder what we will talk about on the evening of each of his birthdays.

On this 12th day of October, we are quite possible 12 short weeks out from bringing our son home. Last January when we started this process, we thought that a December or January home coming date was soooo far away, and yet it's almost here!!

On Saturday we have our final home visit for our Home Study (YEAH!!). We could quite possibly be sending off for our US Immigration clearance by the beginning of November. With that timeline, we could feasibly have our Federal clearance and our Jamaican adoption license sometime in December. WOW!!! That's incredible!!

So, our next big step is planning a time to go to Jamaica to share the good news with our little guy!! It's the most incredible and scary thing to contemplate right now.

Please be in prayer for us as we close in on the last few steps of this "home coming" journey. We are believing for a quick turn around for our home study report, a quick turn around for our Immigration clearance, and a quick and positive approval with the Jamaican court system. We are also believing for the remainder of the funds to come in to cover these last few expenses.  We have sold just over 1/2 of the pieces to our puzzle. We need to sell the remaining pieces in order to pay everything off. We are asking all of our friends and family to purchase at least 1 puzzle piece for $10 and to prayerfully consider sharing our adoption story with at least 2 other people.

Well, hubby's home, so off to dinner we go to celebrate our little "12 on the 12th" bday girl!!

Project Keddar Day

I first wrote this piece on March 25th, as a guest writer for Project 3six5. I can't believe it has over 8100 views!!

I wake up 20 minutes before my alarm to the sound of my husband snoring. Usually it wouldn’t be a welcoming noise, but since he’s just gotten back home after a weeklong business trip, the deep & familiar nasal rumblings brings a smile to my face. It’s nice to have him home. 

Trying not to disturb him, I throw on my robe and softly pad down the carpeted hallway knocking on bedroom doors to ensure that the girls get up in time for school. Before my body completely loses its “nighttime warmth”, I hurriedly jump back into bed, thankful for the day off from work. I lay there trying not to be fully awake (since my alarm has yet to sound) listening to the house come alive, one daughter showering in the bathroom, the other opening and closing drawers in her quest for the perfect Friday outfit, and the dog stretching in her crate hoping to be let out soon. I almost can’t imagine life getting any better than it is now. But then I remember, life IS getting even better than this! And now I’m fully awake!

Today is Project Keddar day! Today is the day to wrap up the last few “to do” items for our adoption dossier. As though God was listening to my thoughts, my ipod alarm chimes in with “I Am Not Forgotten” by Izreal & New Breed.  Tears begin to roll down my cheeks as I’m taken back to last November when I first heard that song and first met Keddar at the orphanage in Jamaica.  I went on the mission trip with the intention of using my teaching background to assist in the orphanage’s school for a week. I had no plans to fall in love with a little 10-year-old boy that had an eerie resemblance to my Jamaican husband, right down to the chocolate complexion and dimpled cheeks.  There’s a saying that goes, “People plan and God laughs.” I think God is having a good laugh right now.

Warmed by the thought of my growing family, I lean over and wake my sleeping hubby. It’s time to get up and start Project Keddar day!

Here's the original link: 

Project Keddar Day - 3six5 post

Putting First Things First

Yesterday at work I was feeling completely overwhelmed. Transitioning to a traditional school schedule without a vice principal has truly put a demand on my time, energy, and work load like nothing that I could imagine. As I sat at my desk yesterday looking at all the stacks of papers that I needed to review, the enormous amount of emails that I had yet to respond to, the 2 page "to do" list, the 10 parent calls to return, and the upcoming appointments, I just felt like I was drowning.  I shared with someone that all the things that I love to do as a principal and all the things that I thought I would be doing as a principal are getting squeezed out and replaced with tasks that used to belong to other site personnel before their positions were eliminated. I was bemoaning the "good ole' days" of really being able to focus on the things that I'm passionate about with my work.

I was reflecting on this yesterday evening when I got home, when I realized that I had allowed the demands of the job also squeeze out the most important aspects of my "non-work" life. I was moving further and further away from what really needed my "passionate" attention at home. And I've been down that road already - I know where that journey takes me physically, emotionally and relationally with my husband and family.

So today I woke up before my alarm - 3:52 am to be exact! I took a few minutes to pray and then headed out to the gym. I had a great, sweaty, grueling cardio session listening to all my favorite praise music. I came home and spent some quality time reading and reflecting on the day's Bible reading from the Life Journal that we're using at our church.  Even after all of that, I still had time to prep dinner (season a roast, cut up some veggies and throw them in the crock pot) and get to work early! And what a different day I had at work today!! The workload hadn't changed, the demands were no less daunting, but I was different. I had started my day focusing on those things that need to take priority - my relationship with Christ (reading scripture, listening to praise music), my family (preparing dinner so we could look forward to quality family time at the dinner table), and my health (though my sore quads my argue).

As familiar as Matthew 6:33 is  - "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." - it can sometimes be so easy to let all the wrong things impede on time spent seeking God. But when we do align ourselves with His word - WOW!! He shows up and adds to our life all the ingredients that we need!! God cares for us and about every aspect of our life. When His word says "all these things shall be added", it truly means ALL the things that we need (see Matthew 6:32). Sometimes we need the obstacles, challenges and situations to be removed, but sometimes what we need is to be reminded of His promises & His love so that we can endure those challenging situations with grace, love and peace. I'm so thankful that I know and serve a patient, forgiving and loving God. Who steps right in and meets my every need. I pray that I will not lose site of putting "First Things First."

The Real Cost of Adopting

For the last couple of weeks, and especially over this weekend, I have let myself be really bothered by the mean-spiritedness of another person regarding our adoption & our need to fundraise. I think the thing that has bothered me the most is the fact that this person has completely mis-represented my intentions in this particular situation. In all areas of my life, I truly work to operate with integrity and with pure intentions. And while I make plenty of mistakes in life & don't always do things properly, I know that those closest to me do know the condition of my heart. And even as I write this, I realize how silly it is for me to let the actions of someone who doesn't know me, or my heart, to affect me so deeply. There's the old saying "those who matter, don't mind; and those who mind, don't matter."  However, as much as I know that to be true, I can only assume that my heart is troubled because the adoption is a heart issue for me and my family.

Since we began our adoption process 10 months ago, I have sought out adoption blogs, website and groups in order to better educate and prepare myself for this new journey that we are on. I have heard many family's talk about the "cost" of adoption that have nothing to do with money. Just a few days ago, someone sent me the link to a post on just the same topic. While there are definite financial costs to the process, there are other costs that only adopting families really understand. One of those being the cost of enduring hurtful opinions and comments from people - strangers and loved ones alike.

Just a few hours ago, my youngest daughter, Jelly Bean, and I were working on adding another 62 pieces to our adoption puzzle that came in this week (WHOO HOO!). As we sat there working together, I was reminded of just how many benefits there are to being on this journey - precious and amazing experiences that far outweigh whatever challenges may occur. Seeing my daughter's face light up as she talks about her excitement at having her brother home soon. Listening to both of my daughters talking about all the things they are looking forward to when "their brother" comes home. Planning for our first Christmas together as a family of five. Developing connections and relationships with other people who have a passion for helping orphans. Watching God move in ways that we've never seen before. Becoming more connected with my husband and we go through the home study process. Hearing my daughters' level of appreciation for the gifts of support from other families and seeing it translate into a desire to "pay it forward."

When I think on all of this, I know that the costs are SO WORTH IT!! Whatever hurt my heart must endure through this process, I know that the reward of being able to replace that hurt with the love of another child in our home and our hearts is a small price to pay.