Putting First Things First

Yesterday at work I was feeling completely overwhelmed. Transitioning to a traditional school schedule without a vice principal has truly put a demand on my time, energy, and work load like nothing that I could imagine. As I sat at my desk yesterday looking at all the stacks of papers that I needed to review, the enormous amount of emails that I had yet to respond to, the 2 page "to do" list, the 10 parent calls to return, and the upcoming appointments, I just felt like I was drowning.  I shared with someone that all the things that I love to do as a principal and all the things that I thought I would be doing as a principal are getting squeezed out and replaced with tasks that used to belong to other site personnel before their positions were eliminated. I was bemoaning the "good ole' days" of really being able to focus on the things that I'm passionate about with my work.

I was reflecting on this yesterday evening when I got home, when I realized that I had allowed the demands of the job also squeeze out the most important aspects of my "non-work" life. I was moving further and further away from what really needed my "passionate" attention at home. And I've been down that road already - I know where that journey takes me physically, emotionally and relationally with my husband and family.

So today I woke up before my alarm - 3:52 am to be exact! I took a few minutes to pray and then headed out to the gym. I had a great, sweaty, grueling cardio session listening to all my favorite praise music. I came home and spent some quality time reading and reflecting on the day's Bible reading from the Life Journal that we're using at our church.  Even after all of that, I still had time to prep dinner (season a roast, cut up some veggies and throw them in the crock pot) and get to work early! And what a different day I had at work today!! The workload hadn't changed, the demands were no less daunting, but I was different. I had started my day focusing on those things that need to take priority - my relationship with Christ (reading scripture, listening to praise music), my family (preparing dinner so we could look forward to quality family time at the dinner table), and my health (though my sore quads my argue).

As familiar as Matthew 6:33 is  - "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." - it can sometimes be so easy to let all the wrong things impede on time spent seeking God. But when we do align ourselves with His word - WOW!! He shows up and adds to our life all the ingredients that we need!! God cares for us and about every aspect of our life. When His word says "all these things shall be added", it truly means ALL the things that we need (see Matthew 6:32). Sometimes we need the obstacles, challenges and situations to be removed, but sometimes what we need is to be reminded of His promises & His love so that we can endure those challenging situations with grace, love and peace. I'm so thankful that I know and serve a patient, forgiving and loving God. Who steps right in and meets my every need. I pray that I will not lose site of putting "First Things First."

The Real Cost of Adopting

For the last couple of weeks, and especially over this weekend, I have let myself be really bothered by the mean-spiritedness of another person regarding our adoption & our need to fundraise. I think the thing that has bothered me the most is the fact that this person has completely mis-represented my intentions in this particular situation. In all areas of my life, I truly work to operate with integrity and with pure intentions. And while I make plenty of mistakes in life & don't always do things properly, I know that those closest to me do know the condition of my heart. And even as I write this, I realize how silly it is for me to let the actions of someone who doesn't know me, or my heart, to affect me so deeply. There's the old saying "those who matter, don't mind; and those who mind, don't matter."  However, as much as I know that to be true, I can only assume that my heart is troubled because the adoption is a heart issue for me and my family.

Since we began our adoption process 10 months ago, I have sought out adoption blogs, website and groups in order to better educate and prepare myself for this new journey that we are on. I have heard many family's talk about the "cost" of adoption that have nothing to do with money. Just a few days ago, someone sent me the link to a post on just the same topic. While there are definite financial costs to the process, there are other costs that only adopting families really understand. One of those being the cost of enduring hurtful opinions and comments from people - strangers and loved ones alike.

Just a few hours ago, my youngest daughter, Jelly Bean, and I were working on adding another 62 pieces to our adoption puzzle that came in this week (WHOO HOO!). As we sat there working together, I was reminded of just how many benefits there are to being on this journey - precious and amazing experiences that far outweigh whatever challenges may occur. Seeing my daughter's face light up as she talks about her excitement at having her brother home soon. Listening to both of my daughters talking about all the things they are looking forward to when "their brother" comes home. Planning for our first Christmas together as a family of five. Developing connections and relationships with other people who have a passion for helping orphans. Watching God move in ways that we've never seen before. Becoming more connected with my husband and we go through the home study process. Hearing my daughters' level of appreciation for the gifts of support from other families and seeing it translate into a desire to "pay it forward."

When I think on all of this, I know that the costs are SO WORTH IT!! Whatever hurt my heart must endure through this process, I know that the reward of being able to replace that hurt with the love of another child in our home and our hearts is a small price to pay.

Thankful

What a surprise it was to check our adoption email while sitting in the orthopedic surgeon's office waiting for hubby to be seen & find a donation posted by his ortho doc!  We had briefly mentioned the adoption to him at the last visit and he blessed us with a donation. While in the appointment, I think he talked asked us more about the adoption than my hubby's knee! I can share story after story like this where people that we barely know have given to our cause. And then there are the high school friends that we haven't talked to in almost 20 years, and the complete strangers who've we've never met but heard our story from a mutual acquaintance, and the distant work associates and the old navy buddies. The list goes on and on. My heart is just so full, so thankful for the generosity of others.

Here's what our puzzle looks like so far:

Our first 87 pieces sold!

Each piece is "tagged" with the name of the person who bought it

We have raised enough to pay the next installment of our Home Study, exactly at the time that it's due.  With the next $1000 will be able to pay the balance due. I am trusting God that those monies will arrive right when we need them. This is the biggest faith walk that I've ever experienced and I'm learning and growing so much through this process.

"Depend on God and keep at it because in the Lord God you have a sure thing." Isaiah 26:4 MSG

The Hole in Our Gospel

A few weeks ago hubby and I were talking to another couple about our adoption and our fundraiser. The couple became very excited about our journey and began sharing our story in an effort to encourage others to become a "piece of the puzzle." Last week one of them was sharing our story with someone, & this person became extremely offended. First they felt like my & hubby's salaries should be sufficient to pay for an adoption (REALLY??) and if they weren't, we certainly shouldn't be asking other people for money to pay for this. After several other objections, he said he was also offended that our adoption flyer included a scripture. When I first heard about his response, I was really hurt because I felt like his comments were a personal attack. Then I became incredulous. I couldn't understand how someone could reduce the opportunity to be a part of giving an orphaned child a home, to being an issue about my income and a one sentence scripture in 8 pt font on a 2X3 inch picture.

But then I was reminded of a book that I've been reading, "The Hole in Our Gospel." The basic premise is that many of us Christians have reduced the Wholeness of the Gospel to being simply about salvation, deliverance from sin, & a better life in the next life. While these things are certainly important and key to our faith - the gospel, the Good News, is about more than just this. It's about creating a better life NOW.  The whole gospel includes lifting up the poor, orphaned and marginalized, challenging injustice, rejecting worldly values, and loving our neighbors as ourselves.  Any attempt to live a life based upon the "gospel" without those things, is a gospel with holes in it. Having a head knowledge of what the "gospel" means is not enough, it must be accompanied by the heart, hands & feet. It must involve action on our part for others.

I realize that the man's opinion about our fundraising isn't about me, just like this adoption isn't about me. This adoption is about God's love in action. My family is simply a willing vessel being used by God to show His love to a child in need. This is our calling to live out the whole gospel in this life. Instead of being mad at the gentleman who's unable or unwilling to see the bigger picture, I am choosing to care enough about him to pray for his heart to be touched - not for my benefit or the benefit of our adoption, but for his benefit. And just like in my opinion, he's missing the bigger picture. I know that there have been many times that in God's opinion, I have been guilty of the same thing. So I continue to also pray for myself - that I will never again be blind to what God wants me to see nor be numb to what He wants me to feel nor be deaf to what He wants me to hear. Break my heart Lord for the things that break your heart. I want to have a heart after God's own heart and for Him to make me an answer.

A hole in my heart

A couple of days ago we were informed that the results of an EGK for our son showed that he has a hole in his heart and he has also been diagnosed with asthma.  He has a follow up appointment in 2 weeks to determine the next course of action - possibly surgery.

Ever since I got the news I feel as though I have a hole in my heart. My heart just grieves for him. I feel as though the hole in my heart is only going to be whole when I'm able to hold him in my arms. It's strange that this child that I have only met twice has managed to carve out such a big place in my heart and in my thoughts. If he has to have surgery, I want to be the "mommy" that is waiting for him when he wakes up from surgery. I want to be the "mommy" that cares for him and nurses him back to recovery. I almost feel jealous of his "family" in Jamaica that gets to be with him every day - watching him grow up and experience life.

Our 2nd home study visit was today - mine and Fil's interviews. I'm so thankful that we have taken one more step on this journey. I'm praying that the finances will be provided and the process expedited so that our son is home for the holidays.

Out of the mouth of babes

I asked my girls to share their thoughts about the adoption so that we could add them to the blog. They kept asking me what I wanted them to write about. I told them they could share whatever they wanted. Both of my girls are "get the right answer" type of gals and had a hard time at first just letting their thoughts flow without a prompt or specific direction (is this what public school's focus on testing has done to kids?? hmm . . .  but that's another blog!) Here's what they decided to share . . . turns out they had some profound things to say:

Lady Bug (our 18 yr old):

Adoption has been something that I have been striving for since the third grade. It was something I wanted more then anything in this world. Not for someone else but for me. I wanted to be adopted by my step dad into a family that was already mine but I wanted some assurance of permanence. Then 10 years later I hear that our family is going to finally adopt but not me that’s getting adopted. It’s a little boy from the tiny island of Jamaica. I was expecting to be upset. I mean I had wanted to be adopted longer then this child had been alive. I wasn’t though- I was excited. I knew that our family would be perfect for him and that we were ready to bring someone new into our home. My sister and I started making plans right away. Where he would sleep, which of us was going to be his best friend, who was going to show him around, which of us got to introduce him to our friends first, and everything else that we could think of. When we moved into a new home we planned out his side of the sink and which bedroom he would want. We make decisions like he is already a part of our lives and it is only going to get better. It’s not necessarily the adoption I always thought our family would go through but I am happy that this is the one that is happening.  

Jelly Bean (our 11 yr old):

I have always wanted a little brother. I think I have just always wanted to be older and to grow up with someone. I now have the opportunity to do that. Although my brother is already 10 we both are only halfway to adulthood so we still have a lot to learn. I’m mostly excited because I’ll have someone close to my age in my house that knows what life is like at this age.

         When my parents first said that we were adopting I didn’t believe them. But when they started the paperwork I knew they weren’t kidding. When I saw my brother’s picture after that I wanted to cry. I was just so happy that he was about to have a family that he could be with everyday. After we were certain we were adopting him I was happy to know that we would be changing his life for the best.  When my sister and I first talked to him over Skype I couldn’t stop smiling. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how one day he would be my brother. Mine. All mine. He is very sweet and VERY funny. He loves to joke around and he has a beautiful smile.

I want my brother and me to be best friends rather than just siblings.

Home Study Interviews Scheduled

Today we were able to confirm our next Home Study interview session. We are meeting with a new social worker (our original one is on maternity leave) next Wednesday at 4:30!  Even though we are meeting at our home, it's not the "official" home visit. She was kind enough to agree to meet us here since Fil just had knee surgery yesterday. I don't think he would have been able to manage a drive to Modesto with his leg in the brace. I know there are no "perfect parents" but it's still a little nerve-racking to think that we are being interviewed to determine if we can be Keddar's parents. If we don't pass, then I guess we should feel sorry for the two girls we already have! 'Cause they're stuck with us! LOL!